Respect Authority

Linkin Park, longtime purveyors of complete and utter shit, canceled their China tour today because lead singer Chester Bennington (seriously, his name is Chester and that’s not even a reference to Brendan Fraser in Airheads) has suffered a back injury. The band didn’t say how Chester got his back all fucked up, but I suspect it had something to do with rocking out, hardcore, all the time. Or motocross, for some reason I highly suspect Linkin Park band members are way into motocross. 

Linkin Park’s decision to cancel a tour I’m fairly confident no one had bought tickets to is all the more ironic because the proceeds were going to charity. So what other completely irrelevant news is out there today? Let’s take a look.

DC COMICS killed off Clark Kent’s Earth father with a heart attack, marking basically the third time Mr. Kent Sr. has been offed.  Clearly a happy home life is not conducive to crime-fighting and a life of solitude. 

THE LADIES of Times Square’s Hawaiian Tropic accused their former manager of sexual harassment, and called him a rapist. No one, and I mean no one, is surprised. 

MANHATTAN PROFESSOR Martin Chalfie admits he slept through a phone call from the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences, who were giving him the ole “Hey, you won a Nobel Prize” buzz. The man won a Nobel for his work on green fluorescent protein; that he’s somewhat socially inept should come as no surprise. 

MEGA MILLIONS hit $16 million with no winner in sight yet. In other news, world hunger still a problem.  

NEW YORK CITY launches a blog to give residents advice on healthy eating. Shockingly, the McDonalds line in Bedford-Stuyvesant isn’t shorter. 

Tune in tomorrow for “Britney Spears eats a sandwich. With Mustard.”