Respect Authority

British actress Gemma Arterton, who plays Agent Fields in next month’s James Bond movie, was born with six fingers on each hand. No, seriously. The up-and-comer said in an interview that she was proud of her “oddity” (though it’s probably easier to be proud when you had surgery to correct the excess digits at birth) and also admitted (“Well, since we’re chatting about birth defects!”) that she was born with a crumpled ear.

While it’d be more than easy to make a few (more) excess-finger jokes, perhaps the uplifting option would be to look at other “abnormal” celebs. In a world where everything from tans to hair to boobs is fake, let’s admire some slightly odd, yet all real, motherfuckers.

Kate Bosworth: Bosworth, most recently of Superman Returns fame, has two different-colored eyes, a fact that is semi-relentlessly harped on in the tabloid media. More than anything, this only makes Bosworth more beautiful and more unique. …Bitch.

Seal: A friend of mine once said she didn’t realize Seal had scars, to which I did not respond “How egalitarian and virtuous of you,” but rather “Are you fucking kidding me?” Let’s admit it, Seal is scars, and since he’s produced almost nothing of musical worth since “Kissed by a Rose,” we’ve all just had that much more time to sit back and think about how scartastic he really is. That is until he married Heidi Klum. Now Seal is laughing all the way to the Victoria’s Secret show.

Owen Wilson: Wilson has repeatedly told reporters he won’t get a nose job because his brothers would never let him live it down. I have no doubt this is true, though the added humiliation of going back on the statement years after becoming famous is probably a contributing factor. Still, I find it hard to believe the crooked schnoz is taking a toll on Wilson’s love life. In fact, if you’re reading Owen, I would have sex with you right now.

Joan Rivers: This one isn’t entirely fair – Joan Rivers fucked up her own face, repeatedly. But the woman’s relentless sarcasm and affinity for self-deprecating humor makes it that much easier to accept the fact that she’s beginning to look like an alien. Hey, if you can make being borderline-deformed your “shtick,” more power to you.

Paris Hilton: The most wildly successful, and naturally deformed, celebrity out there. Enough said. 

In the end, while countless celebrities prove to us every day how super-duper easy it must be to be beautiful there are a select few reminding us that a few abnormalities can’t hurt. …At least this is what I tell myself when my third nipple gets me down.