Respect Authority

It’s taken awhile, and no small sacrifice of dignity, to admit that Shia LaBeouf is an up-and-comer, if not an already-came-and-doing-so-well-it-defies-all-logic-er. When the one-time Disney star nailed a leading role in Disturbia, wherein he churned out sarcastic one-liners and got to kiss a girl way out of his league, we at RA realized this pint-sized goofball was a force to be reckoned with. While the shock of seeing nearly-geriatric Harrison Ford duke it out with Commies made Indiana Jones a Shia sleeper, the 22-year-old’s reappearance as leading man in Eagle Eye meant LaBeouf was back in the saddle. Unfortunately for him, the action thriller, whose budget could no doubt feed a small country, lost out in the box office this weekend to, I shit you not, Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Given that particularly embarrassing coup, perhaps its time to put Even Stevens’ quip-master back in his place. For this Dumb or Dumber, RA toiled away on a line-by-line comparison between Shia and original sarcasm-purveyor Justin Long, who would probably be on welfare right now if it wasn’t for Apple.

Both Justin and Shia have been fighting since day one to drop their dubious career starts, Justin as a regular on Ed and Shia as one of the many Disney stars to attempt a real career. Justin’s made a name for himself as the slightly-geeky lead in the infamous teen comedy genre, which is a stellar way to both start and prematurely end a career. By going the action-movie-sidekick route (which Justin temporarily usurped in awesomer-than-awesome Live Free or Die Hard), Shia made his career more sustainable, but also subject to far more scrutiny. Ultimately the Disney boy wonder wins, though not necessarily by a landslide. For the record Justin, if you hadn’t done Herbie, you might have stood a fighting chance.