Respect Authority

Stop the motherfucking presses. A miniature horse in Oklahoma was fitted with a prosthetic eye this week, giving the pint-sized pony a second change to pursue his long-standing dream of becoming a show horse. 

Seriously, 65-pound KBuck was born June 1 and lost his a eye few short days later. Owner Kelsey “I have the best last name ever” Chumbley, 12, says she suspects KBuck was the victim of a swift kick from his mom. I say: Why are we taking medical diagnoses from a 12-year-old?

“We thought he was going to end up being a backyard pet” instead of a show horse, Chumbley said. “When we found out he had a second chance I was really excited for him.”

Here’s to you KBuck: Instead of a shockingly peaceful life in someone’s multi-acre backyard, now you can be primped, prodded and pushed into a life of high-stress stardom. All thanks to Jerry Orbach.