Respect Authority

John McCain and Barack Obama went head-to-head last night in the second presidential debate, which was tense as all hell but still seemed to pale in comparison to the Palin/Biden madness that was last week. In the interest of mixing up my so-called “coverage,” I decided to document my debate commentary in blog-form, with timestamps, and after a few bowls … of … Cheerios. 

9:01 p.m. Tom Brokaw should consider a second career as an announcer for wrestling matches, or maybe as a stand-in for that guy who voices all the movie trailers. 

9:02 p.m. McCain takes a few notes as soon as he sits down. Perhaps “Obama not wearing flag pin” or “Forgot to take Ginkgo biloba today.”

9:10 p.m. McCain’s walking really highlights how old he is. It looks like he’s taking a morning lap around the mall. 

9:10 p.m. I’m sorry, who said I want the Secretary of Treasury to be someone I can relate to? This is a person who willingly takes the entire country’s budget into their hands. To be honest, I’d prefer if the job were filled by a robot. 

9:11 p.m. Tom Brokaw schools both candidates on the rules of timed discussion. It won’t be the last time.

9:18 p.m. Teresa Finch can barely read. 

9:24 p.m. McCain has to write down the three priorities Brokaw is asking him to rank. He can’t remember three words in a row. 

9:26 p.m. Despite the debates, I’m pretty sure if you asked the average American what “pork barrel earmarks” are, they’d have no fucking idea. 

9:28 p.m. Tom Brokaw makes a joke about the deficit. I love him.  

9:38 p.m. Obama Zinger:  ”Senator McCain, I think the Straight Talk Express lost a wheel on that one.” 

9:43 p.m. McCain immediately forgets Ingrid Jackson’s name; is unable to thank her by name for her question.  

9:45 p.m. McCain: “…posing to Americans the danger that climate change opposes. I know the answer: nuclear power.” …I feel like nothing about this came out right. 

9:47 p.m. “He’s voted __ times against _____. ____ times!” Is this phrase taught in some class I don’t know about? “Presidential Debate 101”?

9:52 p.m. Seriously McCain doesn’t walk. He shuffles. 

9:58 p.m. Obama’s issue with time constraints is starting to piss me off. 

10:15 p.m. McCain tells half an anecdote about laughing with an old veteran friend about Iran. It doesn’t make sense.

10:35 p.m. Tom Brokaw Zinger: “And you’re in the way of my script now.”