Respect Authority

Generally, when trying to prove your innocence in marijuana-related crimes, it’s best to avoid calling your pot dealer to your defense.

Dealer In Courtroom: I can assure you I have never sold marijuana to the defendant… except for last week of course, ain’t that right my man? That shit was the booooomb, huh dawg? Yo, yo dawg… why you cryin? You wanna blaze after this shit?

Case in point.

And yet, Lil’ Wayne’s assistant/pot-supplier, Terry Bourgeois, was a chosen witness at a suppression hearing yesterday for the rapper’s Manhattan gun-possession case. Which seems like a bad choice for a whole host of reasons, not the least being that Bourgeois probably isn’t going to remember the facts too well other than perhaps, “God damn, the Doritos we ate that night were fucking incredible, Wayne.”

Last summer, Lil’ Wayne’s tour bus was pulled over near Columbus Circle after cops reported smelling marijuana smoke coming from the vehicle. Naturally, nobody inside was smoking, including Lil’ Wayne who only mentions smoking weed in nearly every song he’s ever created. The plumes of delicious evil smoke coming from the bus were only from a problem with the engine… problem being, that shit was high as hell, mang!

Once inside the bus, cops seized a .40-caliber handgun, which was obviously only there to light the weed. Nonetheless, Lil’ Wayne needs to prove that the search was conducted under false pretenses, that there was, in fact, no weed on the bus, so that his .40-caliber lighter doesn’t send him to prison for four years. He and T.I. might enjoy collaborating on tracks together, but collaborating as cell mates… probably not so much.

The suppression hearing was, unsurprisingly, an utter failure, as Bourgeois admitted that Lil’ Wayne and friends did smoke weed before heading to that evening’s tour date. When asked where the group acquired said weed, Bourgeois slipped out of the prosecution’s iron grip with, “Uh, I probably brought it on.”

While I can’t vouch for the authenticity of the often-cited “dangers” of marijuana, I can say that going into a courtroom high as fuck with the intention of proving your innocence when you were, in fact, clearly guilty anyway, is pretty dangerous.

After the hearing, Wayne and company took the tour bus to the nearest Burger King drive through. There is no word on whether or not they ran over any little girls on bikes upon leaving the parking lot or if the rapper failed to pick up his younger brother from school that afternoon.

[NY Post]