Respect Authority

To the surprise of literally everyone in the history of the world, A&E said this week that it will produce a second season of Benjamin Bratt television drama The Cleaner. Seriously, a second season.

For those who don’t know, which should be pretty much everyone who reads this blog, The Cleaner is about drug addict William Banks, played by Bratt, who during the birth of his daughter makes a deal with God, that if he is given a second chance he will end his drug abuse and help others to end their addiction to sex, drugs and gambling (thank you, Wikipedia). Along with a small team of other recovering addicts (let’s call them the “Bratt Pack”) Banks works to help others in facing their addictions.

I haven’t ever seen a full episode this show, but I don’t need to, because the concept alone is enough to induce riotous laughter. This is sort of like a combination of Intervention and Bruce Almighty, which are probably the two things I would suggest if someone asked for a television formula similar to that used in A Clockwork Orange: torturous. The fact that the show’s “star” is Benjamin Bratt, whose combined weight loss and poor aging makes him actually LOOK like a former crack addict, speaks worlds. This is a man, by the way, whose last major role was in Miss Congeniality.

There are a lot of other minor issues, like Bratt’s facial hair, or the fact that his daughter’s name in Lula. But lest you think this is all mere conjecture, I can say I did watch an extended clip of the show’s season finale (anything in the name of science), during which the Bratt Pack literally jumps out of of a van, kidnapper-style, for their addiction rendezvous. When the Addict/Target asks who sent them, they just give this sort of creepy look, which, considering they’re all former addicts, I would have assumed to mean pimps or drug dealers, but actually means God.

Addict/Target: “He talked to you?”
Bratt Pack Member #1: “Here am I, Lord.”

This show makes me want to do heroin out of spite.

[The Cleaner]