Respect Authority

Sunday is a pact with the Devil. A glorious day of freedom… but at such a price. Saturday is a day of opportunity; Sunday demands the promise that you return to work the next day. Imagine the unconditional love of an eager puppy… that is Saturday. Sunday is the manipulative bitch who will only love you if you buy her shit. We’ll never make you buy us shit, or anything else for that matter, and thanks to weekly feature The Future Freaks Me Out, here are a few more reasons to look forward to the coming week.

For Laughs

For those of you waiting with semi-bated breath for the fifth and God-willing, not final installment of the Saw movies, which comes out Oct. 24, there is luckily a similarly ludicrous alternative being released in the meantime. Seeing Quarantine, which peddles itself as the remaining footage from a 911-call-gone-infection-gone-wrong, is a win-win. Either the movie’s so bad it makes you that much more appreciative of Saw V, or it’s good enough that you won’t feel disappointed when Saw doesn’t live up to expectations. (I consider this latter option highly unlikely, primarily because Saw never disappoints). At the very least, Quarantine will be like Cloverfield meets 28 Days Later, both of which went incredibly well with a bucket of popcorn and a certain illegal substance. — kira

For Tears

As real proof of the saying “time flies when you’re having fun,” the election is but a mere 4 weeks away — aren’t you excited? I can almost feel my civil liberties passing through my fingers like so many grains of sand already! That said, the second presidential debate is scheduled for this Tuesday, barring John McCain pausing his campaign in order to stock up on Halloween candy. Obama will go into this one with high expectations, as the town-hall style debate will focus on the economy, which, if you’ve noticed, is doing pretty spectacularly at the moment. Finally voters will get the answers they need to the nagging questions of our times, like, who will be there to bail out Starbucks when it fails? Mickey D’s? — aaron

For Shits and Giggles

Everyone should go to Spiegelworld once, if only because the name is incredibly fun to say and you’d have more reasons to say it if you’d been. In fact, we at RA haven’t been — and would love to have a diligent reader check it out and then write a review, thereby ensuring multiple appearances of the word “Spiegelworld” on the site. But in the meantime, promises of women showing off their “hula hoop skills” and a “Ukrainian acrobat boy team” can only mean this show must be a good time. Or incredibly creepy. — kira

Last Week’s Highlights

• Over It — Why Bloomberg running for a new term might not be so terrible. I mean, he got rid of all the bums, you know? Er… wait… was that the other guy?
• Kathy Griffin Was Right About You, Gayken — A whirlwind tour of a number of celebrity “I’m gay” moments, prompted by Clay Aiken’s recent sabotaging of millions of utterly delusional people’s hearts.
• Low Budget Tunes… Literally — This week’s Be Shareful column, featuring mixtape extraordinaire, DJ Low Budget. Free music hasn’t been this much fun since the hey-day of Napster! You know, or not!