Respect Authority

I was pleasantly surprised to stumble across the premier of VH1’s A Real Chance at Love last night, as my affinity for reality television competes with my affinity for substances that affect short-term memory and I had completely forgotten it was on. Indeed, what a lucky coincidence, as within only ten minutes of the show’s debut episode, my faith in VH1 — slightly lacking after two subpar episodes of Rock of Love Charm School – had been completely and utterly restored.

For those who don’t know (although if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you likely haven’t read this far), A Real Chance at Love is of the fifth generation of VH1 reality television spawned from The Surreal Life, whose first season debuted in 2003. I know this because I have map of said generations on my wall at home. Seriously.

But in any case, Surreal Life-r Flavor Flav went on to star in a couples show with Brigitte Nelson, and then in three seasons of a dating competition show, one season of which yielded Flav-fan and girlfriend-wannabe Tiffany “New York” Pollard, who went on to star in two seasons of her own dating show, the first of which yielded brothers Chance and Real, who ALSO competed recently on I Love Money and are the stars of A Real Chance at Love, their own dating show. It’s a true testament to the significance of their faux-celebrity power that the show landed on VH1 instead of sister-station (and general purveyor of more low-budget and non-meta reality fare) MTV.

Indeed, the overwhelming sentiment behind ARCAL is VH1’s unwavering willingness to indulge in a world where Chance and Real are actual celebrities. The show’s setting and opening credits give ample attention to The Stallionaires — the alleged rap group consisting of Real, Chance, and some no-name — that the two brothers have touted in each of their VH1 appearances. Although The Stallionaires are portrayed in ARCAL as some sort of successful hip-hop group (one contestant claims she downloaded their music a “long time ago”), it speaks to the legitimacy of this fame that no one has any idea who the Stallionaire NOT from reality TV is.

This isn’t to say that Chance and Real aren’t deserving of the attention. Though Real was a sleeper sensation not truly unleashed until I Love Money, Chance has been the star of every scene in every season of every show he’s been in. Ever since he called dolphins “water dogs,” on I Love New York, I knew the man would get his own show, it was just a matter of time. Having Real along for the ride is a pleasant surprise, as the vast majority of their confessionals are done together and nothing is more hilarious than the back and forth between the two. Even if I went in with any doubt, as soon as the naming ceremony yielded “Bay Bay Bay” (like “Hey babay” but not) and “Lusty,” I knew everything would be okay. More than okay.

In the end, if you’re not already a stalwart devotee of VH1 programming, this isn’t the show to start on. These are fake celebrities to the fourth power. But if you are a fan — if you know who pooped on the floor in the second season of Flavor of Love, or which episode of Rock of Love verifies that Bret Michaels has hair, or what Charm School’s Saaphyri calls chapstick, well then this might very well be the show you’ve been waiting for.